Not sure what the reason is but Jaida and I are really butting heads lately. This really has me feeling quite down because I really just want to do right by her but right now we seem to be stuck in a cycle that I can't figure out how to get us out of.
I am not sure if this is caused by my recent return to the work force full-time and therefore feeling scattered and unorganized or if it is an age/developmental thing with Jaida or some combination of all of it. It seems that lately I am constantly on Jaida's case about something. Not moving fast enough or making me repeat myself a dozen times before she does what I ask, doing the VERY thing I just asked her not to do, etc. I feel like all I do is repeat myself and get ignored which really makes me feel like a nag ... which I hate. It doesn't help that I keep getting negative reports (for much the same reasons) from her daycare provider. I know these little things don't really bother Nancy and instead she is just venting to me but they just seem to add fuel to the fire. I am already on edge by the time I take Jaida home in the afternoon. I feel like I have such a limited amount of time in the evening and instead of us all having fun I spend my time nagging Jaida and she spends her time frustrated, annoyed and therefore whining.
This is really bothering me because I just so desperately want to have a good relationship with Jaida. My relationship with my own mom is extremely strained and knowing the angst it has caused me (for the better part of my life at this point) it is the last thing I ever want for Jaida. I am not sure how to remedy the situation. I try to be attentive and a good listener. I am going to try harder to just let go of the little things and just ask her to do X once and leave it at that. If she hasn't put her shoes on by the time I am ready to go she will just have to lock up the house and meet me in the car I suppose. sigh ....
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