"What is war?"

This is a hard question to answer ... especially when a 4.5 year old is asking it. We are pretty open when talking to Jaida about most things. We have been very open with Jaida about reproductive biology and she understands what we have told her (for the most part). We have also been fairly open about our (our being Joe and I) lack of religious beliefs. We are fairly cautious in these conversations for two reasons ... first we do not want to brainwash Jaida into believing as we do. Religion is a very personal decision .... I just want her to be fully informed when she eventually decides what she wants to believe or not believe if that is the case. Secondly, she attends a Baptist preschool ... where I think her parents views might make more than a few waves.

Anyhow, back to the subject of war. A couple of weeks ago Joe and I were discussing the mess the US has gotten itself into and the best ways to get ourselves out of it. The next day Jaida asks Joe what is war. The question caught us both off-guard. I suppose because it is such a complicated question and is even more complicated by the fact that Jaida really has no concept of deadly violence. She never watches tv shows or even cartoons that have violence in them. She doesn't even know that a gun is called a gun. She refers to guns as shooters and really has no idea what they are used for other than the fact that kids can accidentally get hurt by them. She just knows that if she is ever around another kid that has a shooter she is to get far away and find an adult and tell them ... she is absolutely never to touch it. Part of our difficulty in explaining war to Jaida is her absolute naivity on the subject of violence. Explaining the current war is made even more difficult due to the fact that all the ways I/Joe would use to describe a war/reason for war such as ... war only happens after all the other peaceful ways of resolving conflict have been exhausted, we (our military) are protecting ourselves from aggressors, we are protecting our freedom and way of life, and wars are short lived disagreements that eventually get worked out and make life better for all involved ... are simply not true at all. Add to that the inevitable questioning of what we would do if war was to happen where we live and I can honestly say I have no idea how to answer these questions.

For now, we found a very general way of explaining war to Jaida. When we were done talking about war the puzzled look remained on her face but she got side tracked with something else. We are bracing ourselves for the tough to answer questions that are sure to come soon as she mulls over all teh information we gave her.

Feeling like a crappy mom

Not sure what the reason is but Jaida and I are really butting heads lately. This really has me feeling quite down because I really just want to do right by her but right now we seem to be stuck in a cycle that I can't figure out how to get us out of.

I am not sure if this is caused by my recent return to the work force full-time and therefore feeling scattered and unorganized or if it is an age/developmental thing with Jaida or some combination of all of it. It seems that lately I am constantly on Jaida's case about something. Not moving fast enough or making me repeat myself a dozen times before she does what I ask, doing the VERY thing I just asked her not to do, etc. I feel like all I do is repeat myself and get ignored which really makes me feel like a nag ... which I hate. It doesn't help that I keep getting negative reports (for much the same reasons) from her daycare provider. I know these little things don't really bother Nancy and instead she is just venting to me but they just seem to add fuel to the fire. I am already on edge by the time I take Jaida home in the afternoon. I feel like I have such a limited amount of time in the evening and instead of us all having fun I spend my time nagging Jaida and she spends her time frustrated, annoyed and therefore whining.

This is really bothering me because I just so desperately want to have a good relationship with Jaida. My relationship with my own mom is extremely strained and knowing the angst it has caused me (for the better part of my life at this point) it is the last thing I ever want for Jaida. I am not sure how to remedy the situation. I try to be attentive and a good listener. I am going to try harder to just let go of the little things and just ask her to do X once and leave it at that. If she hasn't put her shoes on by the time I am ready to go she will just have to lock up the house and meet me in the car I suppose. sigh ....

Turd is a very funny word

Sunday we were out in the yard playing ball with the dogs. Raven was starting to get frisky and act like she might bolt so I said something like "get over here you little turd". Jaida was standing there when I said it. Next thing I hear is "mama what is turd". I told her that it was a not-so-nice way of saying poop. She thought it was a hilarious word and even funnier that I had just called the dog a piece of poo. We had to have another talk about how turd is yet another word that her mama says that she shouldn't.

I then put Raven on the leash. As we were heading back to the house she thought I was going to throw her toy and took off. I wasn't expecting it ... she yanked my arm hard as she came to the end of her lead. I heard/felt my neck pop. I yelled "good lord dog". Next thing I hear is Jaida asking "mama does good lord also mean poop?" We had to have another talk and mama needs to start watching what she says ...